Monday, 29 September 2003

Personal

Lying to MORI

"You're my last hope," he said as I answered the door. "I'm looking for a male, 25-35 who works less than 30 hours a week." Technically I work 42 hours a week... "Will two out of three do?" (It's sad to admit I had no better offers on a Saturday night).

Forty minutes later this stranger knows I'm a keen walker, that the War on Iraq gets my back up, that I think healthcare needs urgent attention in the UK, that I believe I'm influenced by advertisements and that I think it's OK to advertise soap powder any time of the day or night.

What he doesn't know is that I don't have a TV.

"So, is it just the five channels you get here?" he asks while nervously realising what's missing from the lounge.

"Four," I reply.

"And how many days a week do you watch TV?"

At this point I have a choice. It's eight o'clock on a Saturday night and he wants to go home. I could point out his false assumption, then he'd be back on the street looking for another 25-35 year old male only this time he'd ask about television ownership first. Or I could lie.

"One," I say. Doh! He sees through it straight away.

"Really? So the set is turned off for six days?" (Further nervous scanning of lounge.)

"How many hours during that day?"

"Two." This time, it's the truth; at least, if you average out my viewing over the whole year it's nearly right. (I really catch up on TV at Christmas.)

Caught by the old one-two. By now we both want things to be over and he's gracious enough to spare me the knock-out blow. A little more small-talk, a few more questions, the obligatory thank-yous and goodbyes.

Is it OK to lie to MORI? And is there anywhere I can learn to be a more convincing liar.

Posted by pab at 13:45